Coddled Eggs

Coddled Eggs

Monday, 15 September 2014

Oh mein Papa

This may well be one of the hardest blog posts I have wanted to write ...

What you  don't see,  is that attempts I have made  to put something on this page have been thwarted by too much emotion ....grief...getting the better of me . I clearly  now understand writers block .

I have had to give death and dying much thought over this last year .

Losing my dearest friend..
Being given some tragic news that has and will change lives forever....
Learning of another friends struggle with an incurable illness
Losing another friend to cancer 
and then

 losing my Dad.......

Losing really isn't the right word , I don't believe I have lost......In a way I have gained....yes I have gained  so much .
..I have found a peace with it all .
 I hear and see and smell and even sometimes catch myself talking to my best beloveds, 

I have found a way to cope with the pain...I have found ways to ease the burden of loss..
In the losing I have found.

 ..As my grand daughter so aptly put it one day , when she overheard me telling a friend about someone whom had lost their baby.....
How can you lose a baby ...thats silly I would go find her if I was her Mother.......

I am so often reminded of the fragility of life and how , if and where possible, we gain by extending love to all around us.
I love so many things in this world and , many people as well..
People that have touched my life.

I have immersed myself in nature and its timely as now the Spring is here bringing with it all that is new.
 I have painted several pictures which I will exhibit in the next Art exhibition....I have found the courage to do this where before I never felt good friend suggested I had nothing to lose.
I have joined the gym again and embraced my old rival Ms Physical Exertion.
I have purchased a new piece of music to learn and spend 30 minutes each evening learning to play the piece.

I have farewelled a part of my  life as it was and welcomed a new life for myself.

“As death, when we come to consider it closely, is the true goal of our existence, I have formed during the last few years such close relationships with this best and truest friend of mankind that death's image is not only no longer terrifying to me, but is indeed very soothing and consoling.” 

― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

 Oh Mein Papa waar eine wunderbare Clown

I have many happy memories of my father .He really could be a bit of a clown..
.He would often sing at the top of his voice phrases like O Mamma Mia ...or  Open the door Richard, O solo me O (sic)  or Hallelujah 
He loved Mozart and Vivaldi especially vivaldi's four seasons his favourite being summer and would sit and explain the music in a Peter and The Wolf fashion.
He loved to paint and always had something on his easel
One year he painted huge Sun flowers on our shed wall  then when the blooms had faded he painted a landscape.
He was funny ,quirky , political , musical. and artistic .
He chose a challenging life for himself .
I hope he enjoyed his life  for the most part.
Dad loved 
Ginevea  a type of Gin, salted peanuts, dark, soup, fresh home baked bread, nasi goreng  and fried chicken .
My son said Opa loved butter fired in chicken .
I am thankful to have had Dad in my life for 55 years ....
Dad went to sleep and didn't wake up .I console myself in that ...A gentle way to leave this world.
Dad died whilst  we were  in bali on a holiday that was a bit about discovering the war that Dad had been a part of for 4 years.
It was 2 days before we were due home.
I have his gifts , a calendar of Indonesian art , a village scene painting, a  small statue in brass and copper and  a story ( a later blog post) of Bali .....The indonesia we fell in love with.
I have put them in his room  and closed the door. just for now.
Soon I will clear out his room ...maybe I will make it a playroom for the children just for a while.....
Its nice to fill a room with joy

Go easy everyone...make life easy ....make it fun......Change the things you can and accept that some things will never change so say farewell to them if they offend  or accept them graciously if they don't.
Life is short.
Live it well